i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sex in a hospital.. check
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
