I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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