Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
love makes seman taste better
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
