her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
