I am puke
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
