theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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