so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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