I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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