Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
