I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
