xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
