I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
