you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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