The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fuck appropriateness.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
