We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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