i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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