i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
