She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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