Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
