Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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