Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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