I just cut my nipple shaving
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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