Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
