Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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