I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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