dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
