Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I still have a little drunk in my system
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
