I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
