maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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