new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
