felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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