WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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