I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
