yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
