So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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