Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
