My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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