every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
where does the pee come out of this thing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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