Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
