i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
