What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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