I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
