I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
