im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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