Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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