foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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