dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
