I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize