Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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