She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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