So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
