so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
