I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
