Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
