Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
