I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
