I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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