I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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