i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
