i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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