so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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