Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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