ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
